Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
