ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
BRING THE BAGELS
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize