Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
