At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
