i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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