Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
