I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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