I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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