fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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