how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
