Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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