i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
