I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
