i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
