Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
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