HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
