4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
