this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
