he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Fuck appropriateness.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
