There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
