Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
