Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize