Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
