Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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