sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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