we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
