Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
