Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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