i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I touched a dick in church today
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
