when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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