I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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