its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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