I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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