summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
