Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
