i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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