I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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