so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
