she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize