I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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