the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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