i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
