i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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