I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? šš
Having Fatherās Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. āHey dad just calling to say I love you.ā While Iām navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Fatherās Day.
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