I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
