I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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