we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
