I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
