I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
