Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
