and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
