and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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