Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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