shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
