wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
