my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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