Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
