Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
