The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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