just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
