yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
