Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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