I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
