What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I have feelings that need drinking.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
