Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
