I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
