i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
