i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
