I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
