i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
