i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
