I need to stop coming to work sober
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
my liver is dry heaving
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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