maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
