I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Boobs speak an international language.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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