do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Alive.
So much puke
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
